So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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