i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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