My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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