I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
bring money and cleavage
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
