Umm I'm too high to move.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
