they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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