Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
