So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How does one acquire holy water?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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