Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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