The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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