Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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