my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
