I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
