This girl is more easily done than said...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
