He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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