they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
high people should be assigned attendants
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
