you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
