I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
