we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
