Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
