No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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