how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
