birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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