i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.