apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist