I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch