oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.