Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

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  (209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx
  Replies (16) Good night (1165) Bad night (5095)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese

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  (650): I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese http://tfl.nu/0g2e
  Replies (11) Good night (3173) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"

  (646): View more from New York

  how do you like your eggs?

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  over tits

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  (865): I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast" (646): how do you like your eggs? (865): over tits http://tfl.nu/9kyc
  Replies (27) Good night (4617) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can

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  (630): i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can http://tfl.nu/e7bo
  Replies (26) Good night (1549) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.

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  (847): I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around. http://tfl.nu/b39f
  Replies (10) Good night (1175) Bad night (4630)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  cat food counts as protein by the way

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  (709): cat food counts as protein by the way http://tfl.nu/k5gc
  Replies (13) Good night (1556) Bad night (4121)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

  (816): View more from Missouri

  please tell me you are kidding me

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  (913): i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell (816): please tell me you are kidding me http://tfl.nu/zfgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1518) Bad night (4749)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

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  (708): I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer? http://tfl.nu/8pri
  Replies (9) Good night (856) Bad night (1885)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.

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  (702): Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament. http://tfl.nu/k9l6
  Replies (8) Good night (1463) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (2071) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls

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  (832): Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls http://tfl.nu/30m5
  Replies (11) Good night (1057) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.

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  (770): Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this. http://tfl.nu/8f5s
  Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.

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  (714): A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now. http://tfl.nu/19el
  Replies (8) Good night (1507) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  We have started to decorate penises.

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  (770): We have started to decorate penises. http://tfl.nu/ezlh
  Replies (12) Good night (733) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.

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  (216): I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class. (610): I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class. http://tfl.nu/0ypg
  Replies (0) Good night (845) Bad night (197)

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