Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way

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  (443): guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way http://tfl.nu/u63n
  Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (2473)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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  (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z
  Replies (86) Good night (1495) Bad night (23458)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

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  (609): shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look. http://tfl.nu/n3uw
  Replies (16) Good night (4909) Bad night (789)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.

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  (405): I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm. http://tfl.nu/yhbb
  Replies (58) Good night (3064) Bad night (520)
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  (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

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  (845): she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits. http://tfl.nu/cebt
  Replies (18) Good night (1033) Bad night (5843)
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  (585): View more from New York

  that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

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  (585): that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag http://tfl.nu/7pz9
  Replies (11) Good night (1408) Bad night (3755)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.

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  (630): Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren. http://tfl.nu/fimu
  Replies (12) Good night (1986) Bad night (1567)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.

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  (515): I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that. http://tfl.nu/ig7j
  Replies (7) Good night (1403) Bad night (676)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.

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  (215): bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista. http://tfl.nu/gval
  Replies (12) Good night (1045) Bad night (529)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.

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  (708): They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me. http://tfl.nu/8o6m
  Replies (3) Good night (1168) Bad night (364)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

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  (615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (668)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

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  (631): I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth. http://tfl.nu/otea
  Replies (9) Good night (2336) Bad night (605)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.

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  (440): The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult. http://tfl.nu/70ah
  Replies (5) Good night (570) Bad night (295)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?

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  (913): How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex? http://tfl.nu/1k3m
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (229)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices

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  (260): I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices http://tfl.nu/lkn8
  Replies (0) Good night (378) Bad night (358)

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