shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life