Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
