They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?