She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?