Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Randomize
Follow @tfln