it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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