The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
