another moral hangover. fuck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
