So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
