I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
