Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
where are you?
Hypothermia
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
