I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
