I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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