So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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