My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
