i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
