haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
