I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
