I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
