I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
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