I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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