Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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