ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
