The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
