Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
