Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
