I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dont even know how to be here
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
