I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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