Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
