Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
