He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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