garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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