He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
