Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
