lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
