Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
