u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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