I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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