How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
