Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
