woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
