I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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