You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
